


Dad Jokes

by CrazyM



Series: Domestic animals. [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dad Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison, Gen, Mercy76, Too much cheesiness honestly, horrible dad jokes, mama Mercy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 04:00:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13516155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyM/pseuds/CrazyM
Summary: 76 comes up with a better way to punish. And it works with brutal efficiency.





	Dad Jokes

Jack Morrison picks up the two miscreants and dumps them on the dinner table. Mercy walks in from behind and faces them, folding her arms.

"Lucio. We talked about this."

Lucio looked like shit- his hair was all over the place, his harness was lopsided and his visage was shaken. Mercy still thinks that recruiting the younger members had been a mistake because all they ever did was shenanigans. She had rarely ever seen them train, let alone stay in one place for more than _five fucking seconds_. She turned towards the other miscreant.

"Well what do you have to say, Lena?"

Tracer was even more shaken, because Lucio's attack was originally meant for Tracer. Lucio was pretty pissed about being slower than the Brit and hence made the cannon to show her up. Lucio had essentially hit Tracer, but behind her was the window. The rest was five minutes of screams and almost a call to 911. Mercy still wonders what miracle made her end up in Overwatch. She was affected by a fuck up and was participant in one other fuck up that involved 76's earlier persona- King's row. Winston took her in after Jack Morrison was dead. 

Well, Winston was nothing short of a fuck up either.

And Morrison is still trying to hide himself.

What a lovely team she has to mother.

76 walks in from behind and joins Mercy to glare at the two. His visor glowed bright red in anger. When 76 was relaxed it was a very hot pink.

"Lena" Tracer and Lucio looked at him, shoulders tensed.

"You stay away from Lucio now."

Mercy looked at him and then at the two culprits. She did not know where he was going. Timeout?

"Why?" Tracer asked.

"Because he is nothing but treble." His visor glinted.

Mercy deadpanned. She was suddenly overtaken by a very strong urge to facepalm. She does not follow through, not knowing why.

Lucio was never seen near any kind of device that produced any kind of sound ever again.

______________________________________

 

Jack's method of punishment had caught on. It was a win-win situation. Mercy was happy because it did not involve corporal punishment("old habits die hard, I guess") and Jack was happy because it allowed him to expose his "funny" side, which could finally show the kids that he is not as boring as D.va had them to believe.

Mercy was pretty strongly in agreement with D.va.

This curbed mischief because when Jack did include the culprits in those jokes, they vowed to never get caught again, just to not hear the jokes. Mercy avoided them because if she did facepalm when he was delivering a punchline, 76's authority might take a hit. So these days she avoids the kitchen whenever she sees 76 with the younger recruits or the Shimada brothers.

This time she even had an excuse.

This time the dumpees at the table were Hanzo and Genji, Hanzo because he shot Mercy's favorite vase off the table as a distraction to allow Genji to sneak off to the takeaway. Even warriors hate oatmeal for dinner. Well, Jack did not know how to cook anything else. Mercy only liked oatmeal because Jack made it.

D.va walked into the room to get milk, but stayed to watch the punishment being meted out, curious.

Jack was behind the two, and he called out to Mercy. Mercy sat bolt upright.

"Angela!"

"Yes?" she called back from outside the Kitchen.

"Why does Hanzo shoot arrows?"

Mercy walked into the dining room and registered Jack and the two brothers, who were looking down, backs bent. She stopped when she saw D.va's eyes widen. The glue and a shard of the vase hung at her sides.

 _Not again._ She facepalmed internally

 _Here it comes_ , D.va thought.

"Why?" She raised an eyebrow.

"To get his point across" His visor glinted.

Both the brothers sighed and drooped. Mercy wanted to commit a crime.

"Hanzo!"

Hanzo sat bolt upright.

"What kind of shoes does Genji wear?"

This time Mercy's eyes widen. Hanzo stays silent. Jack takes this as _I don't know._ She raises her eyes from the slouched form of Hanzo to look at D.va and she looks positively sick.

"Sneakers" He lets the statement hang in the air and his visor glints again.

Genji facepalms. So does Mercy. Hanzo's eyebrow twitches as he looks at 76 incredulously.

D.va runs off, pretending she never heard those jokes.

______________________________________

Mercy was off for grocery shopping with Tracer and Lucio, because they did not want to be left alone with 76 just in case he decides to crack those jokes again. Mercy wanted some distance herself. Jack was always the cheesy one. Always the one making a very dumb joke in the middle of a serious situation, only to be flamed by Reyes.

Genji and Hanzo bolted on the pretext of visiting the nearby library.

Widowmaker was watching TV, sprawled across the sofa. 76 spotted her as he came down the stairs.

"I heard McCree is a fast artist." He says nonchalantly.

Widowmaker raises her eyebrows. "I didn't know that." She had no idea what 76 was trying to do.

D.va's ears perked in the adjacent room. she sat upright on her gaming chair. Her face was the definition of nervous.

"Yeah, he is real quick on the draw." His visor glints.

Widowmaker, for the first time, wishes her heart could beat so she could stop it all over again. Instead, she got off the couch, walked downstairs to the training room and smashed the punching bag to oblivion. Zarya, who looked on while Widowmaker pummeled the sandbag, made an internal strategy to never let the small woman to ever come close to her in a fight.

D.va facepalms so hard she wakes up Junkrat sleeping on the floor. She doesn't feel her nose for the rest of the day.

"Oi mate" He quips. "I'm tryna have some shut-eye 'ere." 

"What do you do in the night anyways?" D.va asks.

"Don't ask" Junkrat says, his expression turning darker.

______________________________________

Jack is helping Mercy do the dishes. Outside they hear Mei chastising and Roadhog grunting. Tracer, Reaper and Zenyatta look on at the scene. Zenyatta is doing his thing with the rotating orbs. But they don't do shit. Mei is freaking out because Roadhog dropped her icecream when the aussies were up for groceries.

"Why hasn't Mei forgiven Roadhog for dropping her ice cream?" Jack says, aloud. The commotion outside stops. Tracer's eyes widen. Reaper's head turns towards the source of the sound.

Mercy sighs. "I don't know?" And she waits for the joke to end. Its like nausea- you pray to either hurl or let the feeling recede, but it stays there. 

"Because she can't let it go." His visor glints again.

Mercy almost drops into the sink.

Roadhog offers to buy Mei unrestricted Icecream and they both run off into the night.

Tracer buries her face in her hands and whimpers silently on the sofa. Zenyatta's orbs drop mid rotation. He looks at Tracer and wonders what the heaven just happened. Reaper growls, facepalms and dissolves into thin air.

"Typical Morrison" is the last thing Tracer and Zenyatta hear.

______________________________________

Mercy had enough of Jack's dad jokes. It did curb mischief around the house and rendered it peaceful, like she preferred. She also knew that the mischief now happened behind closed doors and the cleanup occurred before 76 ever spots them.

She knew why. She always flashed her  _I'm sorry, kids_  eyes whenever she saw 76 doing his punishment rounds. She felt as tormented as they did when the jokes hit.

It was late night. She was doing dishes _again_ and was silently wishing for a break.

Jack sneaks from behind and embraces her. She purrs and stops for a moment to lean into his touch. Jack's hugs are like magic.

"Hanging in there?" He says softly.

She grunts gently and smiles into the tender space between the jawbone and the neck. She feels his goosebumps as she exhales into it and giggles silently.

She elbows him to resume and Jack releases her to rummage through the refrigerator to find that damned milk carton that D.va buys from the store for him, but drinks herself.

"I think we should take a vacation to Switzerland." Jack says while rummaging through the groceries.

Mercy stops and smiles. "But why Switzerland of all places?"

Mercy knew that Jack loved the beach and hence she was curious. Maybe he wanted to see more of her homeland apart from the watchpoint.

Maybe she could take him to her favorite food joint that made the best currywurst.

Reinhardt would definitely kill for that.

"Personally, the flag is a big plus." Behind her, his visor glints. Again.

Mercy stops, picks up Tracer's favorite Union Jack mug and chucks it behind her without looking. She knows she has hit her target when she hears the tinkle of ceramic and a wince.

"Godammit Ziegler!" He groans.

Mercy smiles and resumes her work. Tracer might throw a fit about it tomorrow, but she _so_ does not care.

Reaper snickers wildly under the kitchen window, marvels at 76's cheesiness and goes back to his favorite pastime.

He apprates into the training room where Junkrat is curled on the bench with a tattered sheet draped over him.

"Hey kid." He does the scariest growl he can muster.

Reyes is extremely thankful 76 made the basement soundproof because Junkrat's doglike yowl is the most satisfying thing he has heard all day.

**Author's Note:**

> well this is the written form of the Dad:76 jokes I had found on the internet.
> 
> What should I cover next in Domestic animals? Fire away!


End file.
